Friday, May 15, 2015



Has God Called us to Both Forgive and Forget our Past Failures and the Sins of Others?
 


I was asked this question recently and I will answer it to the best of my ability. I am not saying I am 100% right. There are many Pastors and Theologians who will debate the answer to this question until the end of time. Some will say we are not able to forget our past failures and the sins of others. We are only able to forgive ourselves and others. They will claim the memory will continue until the day we die. Others will disagree saying we are not only to forgive, but to forget as well. Is it possible for us to forget? Has God called us to only forgive, or has He also called us to forget as well? I will briefly give you my opinion. Some of you will disagree with me, and that is fine. I hope you can forgive me (LOL).



In my opinion, God has called us to forgive and forget the past transgressions of others and ourselves. This is why:



God has blotted out our sins for His sake, remembering them no more


“I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.” (Isaiah 43:25, NLT).



God will forgive our wickedness, and will remember them no more


“And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.” (Hebrews 8:12, NLT).



God has removed our sin as far as the East is from the West


“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.” (To infinity and beyond! Psalm 103:12)



We are to forgive as God through Christ has forgiven us


“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NLT).



We are to forgive others because Jesus has forgiven us



“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” (Colossians 3:13, NLT).
 
Therefore, in my opinion, God is asking us to forgive in the same way He has forgiven us through Jesus Christ. The Bible makes it clear God has not only forgiven, but has also chosen to forget our sins. We must also choose to forgive and forget what others have done to us, and what we have done to ourselves. Easy? Of course not. A command? In my opinion: yes. How can we treat others differently than God? It is a matter of choice. God chose to forgive and forget, looking instead to who we are in Christ. We must also choose to forgive and forget, seeing others the way God does. If they are a Believer, we are to see them as a New Creation. If they are not, we need to see them in the same way Jesus saw all of us on the cross. Jesus even asked the Father to forgive those who put Him on the cross.

 

I know it is easy for me to count the sins of those who have hurt me, but Jesus chose to not even count the sins of the Religious Leaders and the Romans against them. Wow! That is how we are to act. We are to choose to both forgive and forget, just as God has chosen to forgive and forget our past sins. Anyone can forgive. Forgetting takes grace. Are you ready to let go of the hurts? Allow Grace to guide you. 



Grace is a person. His name is Jesus Christ. We are called to be a reflection of Jesus to the world. Let us start by forgiving and forgetting. Take away the hurts from the past and focus on the beauty of God’s loving grace. That is our calling. We are to be like Jesus in every area of our lives. That includes our past, present, and future hurts. That includes being a reflection of His forgiving heart. We are to forgive and forget.


Wednesday, May 13, 2015







Integrating the Bible into Reality Therapy/Choice Theory

Introduction

William Glasser, the founder of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory, set up a solution-based cognitive philosophy on the five basic needs (genetic encoded needs) of every human being. The five basic needs are self-preservation and survival, love and belonging, power or inner control, freedom or independence, and fun or enjoyment. When a client meets each of these five needs, they will be able to live a healthy and fulfilled life. Stressing the importance of the relationship between the therapist and client, Reality Therapists can effectively use a system called WDEP (W: Want, D: Doing, E: Evaluation, and P: Plan). Through WDEP, the Reality Therapist can guide their client into making the right choices for their lives. This research paper will look at the history of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory. It will also look at the areas in which it has been the most useful. The strengths of this therapy/theory will also be addressed, especially when incorporating the Bible into the equation. Finally, this paper will look at the weaknesses of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory, discussing ways in which it can become a more powerful tool, especially for the Biblical Counselor.

History of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory

Reality Therapy/Choice Theory is a blending of ideas that helps therapists move their clients past a life of hopelessness and futility. Robert E. Wubbolding, who was a colleague of William Glasser, stated Choice Theory is the train track, whereas Reality Therapy is the train that takes the client on the journey of healing (Robey, 2011). Within the counseling session, the Reality Therapist teaches their client how to live a life of self-preservation, love and belonging, power in self, joy in life, and freedom or independence. William Glasser, the founder of both Reality Therapy (1965) and Choice Theory (1998) gained insight from G. L. Harrington who taught Glasser the foundation of what would become Glasser’s life’s work (Jahromi, & Mosallanejad, 2014; Mickel, 2013; Robey, 2011). Glasser’s focus is to rid ineffective behavior, replacing them with positive actions. The WDEP system, though not used by all Reality Therapists, is an effective tool in helping to build a healthy relationship between therapists and clients. With WDEP, the Reality Therapist is able to show their client how to take the necessary steps (action) to live a fulfilled healthy lifestyle (Robey, Burdenski, Britzman, Crowell, & Cisse, 2011; Graham, 2012). Throughout the years, others have taken the structure of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory and have expanded its reach, going beyond Glasser’s initial focus on children and adolescents (Mickel, 2013).

Types of Problems Reality Therapy/Choice Theory is Most Useful

          Reality Therapy/Choice Theory, from the beginning, has been used successfully in helping children and adolescents. From these models, it has expanded its reach to the whole family. Through the years, Reality Therapy/Choice Theory has continued the process of being restructured, giving it the ability to reach others. Seeing the need to reach out to African Americans, Elijah Mickel created African-Centered Reality Therapy. Expanding upon the original five needs, Dr. Mickel broadened the restructuring process, adding a sixth need: spirituality (Mickel, 2013).  

          Along with helping individuals, families, African Americans, and a few other cultures learn how to live a successful, healthy, and fulfilled life, Reality Therapy/Choice Theory has also been beneficial in systematic applications. Through WDEP, Reality therapists can teach employers and employees how to find mutual wants within their company, teaching them how to resolve conflicts, producing a healthier and happier work environment (Robey, 2011; Robey, Burdenski, Britzman, Crowell, & Cisse, 2011).

Drug addicts have also benefitted from Reality Therapy/Choice Theory. Teaching responsibility for their actions, Reality Therapists can reveal to addicts their destructive behaviors using metacognition. Metacognition teaches the addict through the self-cognition process. With metacognition, Reality Therapists can show their clients how to produce a healthier lifestyle, filled with positive choices and results (Jahromi, & Mosallanejad, 2014; Robey, Burdenski, Britzman, Crowell, & Cisse, 2011).

Reality Therapy/Choice Theory has also been recently applied to Labyrinth walking. Labyrinths have been used for religious purposes (prayer and meditation), learning time keeping principles, and other personal uses that have benefited individuals for centuries. Medical facilities have been using labyrinths for years. However, through the creation of portable labyrinths, Reality Therapists can use them in their practice, making it a more practical tool in counseling. Psychotherapists; Beck, Turnage, Jacinto, and Kirven have placed within the labyrinths four questions adapted from Reality Therapy/Choice Theory. The clients can go on a journey, meditating on the areas of need in their lives. When they leave the Labyrinth, it symbolizes a new beginning (Hong, & Jacinto, 2012).

Strengths of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory

          When incorporating the Bible, therefore, restructuring Reality Therapy/Choice Theory, it can be a valuable tool for therapists and individuals. Within the foundation of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory is an avenue in which individuals can face their issues and learn how to take positive steps to create within them a happier successful life. Glasser stated every human had five basic needs. Because of the humanistic approach, Glasser left out an essential need: spirituality. The need for spiritualization can not be left out of the equation. African-Centered Reality Therapy addressed and restructured Reality Therapy/Choice Theory to incorporate the missing piece to the puzzle. According to African-Centered Reality Therapy, spirituality consists of both the physical and spiritual forces in a person’s life. Once again, Glasser’s five basic needs are self-preservation and survival, love and belonging, power or inner control, freedom or independence, and fun or enjoyment. As stated above, adding spirituality is necessary for an individual to experience wholeness and fulfillment in their life. The five basic needs (plus spirituality) can only be satisfied when an individual builds healthy relationships with others (Robey, Burdenski, Britzman, Crowell, & Cisse, 2011;  Mickel, 2013).

Glasser based Reality Therapy on the premise an individual is responsible for his/her actions. Therefore, the person has to be willing to acknowledge and take action on the change(s) in their behavior needed to live a fulfilled, satisfied life. From the beginning, God has taught personal responsibility. The teachings of the Bible are beneficial and necessary in helping clients address their need to be responsible for their actions. Blaming their upbringing, culture, era, and being hurt by others, clients will not have the ability to produce the changes necessary to fulfill the desires in their life. Clients have to understand they are responsible for how they respond to others and the circumstances they are experiencing (Galatians 6:5-18; Robey, Burdenski, Britzman, Crowell, & Cisse, 2011).

The Bible addresses the fives needs of Reality Therapy and the need for spirituality found in African-Centered Reality Therapy. People cannot live a life of fulfillment without each of the five needs being met, according to Glasser. Once again, spirituality is also a need Glasser did not acknowledge, and should have. Spirituality will be introduced into each of Glasser’s five basic needs as they are addressed below. Being able to forget the past will also be introduced. Delving into the past of the client is important for Reality Therapists to understand the root problem(s) their client is facing. However, living in the past will not allow a person to focus on the actions needed in their lives to make their future filled with hope and accomplishment.

Survival or Self-Preservation

          The most basic need according to Glasser is the first genetic encoded need: survival or self-preservation. Built into every human is the instinct to strive to survive (Graham, 2012). Concerning survival and preservation, the Bible has eternal instructions for the well-being of any client, whether they are believers in God or not. The wisdom within its pages, if applied to their life, will bring stability and preservation even during the struggles they will encounter. When a client is a Christian, the therapist will be able to share with them the promises God the Father made. Through Jesus, they have become a New Creation. They have within them the ability to live a life of hope and security. God has also promised eternal life to those who give their lives to Jesus Christ. That is the ultimate in fulfilling one’s need for self-preservation. Not only will a person experience survival and self-preservation through Jesus, but they will also experience love and belonging (Proverbs 4:20-22; John 3:16; Ephesians 2:10; 1 John 2:25).

Love and Belonging

          Glasser’s second genetic encoded need is the need to love and belong. A sense of belonging and connection is crucial to the well-being of every person (Graham, 2012). Glasser is correct in asserting people need to love and be loved, and to need and be needed. In wisdom, God knew humans needed to be in a relationship with someone, and knew they needed to love and be loved. God’s love for mankind was fulfilled in Jesus Christ through the Cross. Jesus declared loving God and loving others is the fulfillment of God’s perfect Law. Through Jesus, creation can experience the love God has for them and also experience a special relationship with those who are Believers as well. True love is the foundation for a happy fulfilled life. Love gives a person the ability to understand the power within and how to have self-control in their life (Genesis 2:18; Matthew 22:37-40; John 17:24; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Hebrews 10:24-25).

Power or Inner Control

In Glasser’s third genetic encoded need is power or inner control. Having self-confidence is the fruit of belief in self. When a person has lost self-confidence, they no longer believe they can accomplish anything in their life. They do not consider themselves of any benefit to self or others in this world. Without the sense of power or inner control, they will, in the end, have no desire to achieve anything in life. They will have lost all sense of hope (Graham, 2012; Mickel, 2013). If the client has a relationship with Jesus, they can know there is hope even in the face of struggle and tragedy. Instead of fear and timidity, God has given them the spirit of power through the Holy Spirit. Inner control comes through meditating on their source of hope; Jesus Christ, and following God’s Word. Through Jesus, fulfilling the need for power or inner control is available for all God’s Children. When a Child of God understands their source of power or inner control, they will experience freedom. They will also know their dependence is not based on self, but in the One, who gave them life (Psalm 119:9-11; Acts 1:18; 2 Timothy 1:7).

Freedom or Independence

Glasser’s fourth genetic encoded need is freedom or independence. Glasser believes everyone has the need for self-governance. Every person has the desire to be independent, being able to handle and accomplish any situation they face. To Glasser, this is where people get their sense of hope. They feel good about themselves because they believe they are in control of their life (Graham, 2012; Barnette, 2009).

Freedom for Believers is not through being able to take charge of their lives. Freedom comes from the work of Jesus on the cross, setting an individual free from guilt and despair. Freedom is not about being in control of one’s destiny, but surrendering to the One, who understands, knows, and loves them better than they do themselves. Freedom in Christ should not be taken lightly. Too often, Christians use their freedom to act irresponsibly, not worrying about the consequences of their actions because of the eternal freedom they have received through Jesus’ death on the cross. Instead of abusing freedom, Christians should be motivated to help others know and understand the freedom God offers to those who give their lives to Jesus Christ. Freedom should also bring joy in the lives of Believers. Knowing the God of the Universe is with them, even in the midst of turmoil, should give them the ability to see hope in the midst of darkness. With their hope resting on the freedom God has to offer, Christians can and do experience joy (John 8:32; Galatians 5:1,13; 1 Peter 2:16).

Fun or Enjoyment

Glasser’s fifth and final genetic encoded need is the desire for all humans to have fun or enjoyment in life. Everyone needs to engage in responsible activities that will bring them and others pleasure. A person must decide to go out and have fun instead of waiting around for it to happen. They need to take positive actions in their life to experience pleasure and enjoyment (Graham, 2012; Barnette, 2009; Mickel, 2013).

In the makeup of humankind, joy is a healing power that will see them through tumultuous times without frustration and despair. Christians understand fun and enjoyment goes beyond just a response to an event. Joy comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus promised Believers, their joy will be complete because of the gifts God will give them. Not only will God give gifts of joy, but will also provide for all of their needs in life. Therefore, their heart will be filled with pure joy and pleasure because God is the source of everything they need. Believers can also put their past behind them, understanding they are no longer defined by their past because of their relationship with Jesus. They are a New Creation (Proverbs 17:22; Ecclesiastes 2:24; John 16:24; 2 Corinthians 5:17; 1 Timothy 6:17).

Forgetting the Past

          Glasser believed individuals needed to stop focusing on the past. Instead, people should focus on changing their behavior as they produce positive actions in their lives. When they see the changes, they will feel better about themselves and have a better outlook on the future. A Reality Therapist, since they are solutions-based, will listen carefully to their client, picking out the positives from their past experiences, instead of focusing on the negatives. They will not allow their client to spend too much time discussing the past. Listening to misery for twenty minutes was all Glasser could handle. Moving forward is the emphases in Reality Therapy. No one can change the past. Only the present and the future can be altered (Robey, 2011).  

Quality World is a beneficial tool in helping to erase the hurts of the past as well. Assigning values to the basic needs, clients learn to construct their lives, striving to paint a beautiful life story for themselves. The individual must focus on each of the five genetic encoded needs for there to be balance and harmony. By constructing, they allow themselves the opportunity to view how their world can change for the better through positive behavioral changes. They must first be willing to let go of their past so they can focus on their future (Graham, 2012).

Forgetting the past will not only help individuals heal from within, but will also help the person learn to forgive those who has hurt them. Holding on to a grudge will impede healing. They need to forgive others to heal from within their soul. For those who are Christians, they need to remember they are no longer condemned because of what Jesus did for them. In return, they must forgive those who have hurt them. Christians need to forgive as Christ has forgiven them. Instead of anger; there should be forgiveness, peace, and harmony. Instead of defaming others; there should be a love for one another, building them up instead of tearing them down. If Christians would treat others (Christian and non-Christian alike) as Jesus treated and treats them, there would be very little need for counselors (Romans 8:1; Ephesians 4:31-32; Colossians 3:13; 1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Weaknesses of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory

Following are three of the major weaknesses of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory: Lack of Spirituality and the Incorporation of the Bible, The Importance of the Past, and Multicultural Delinquency.

Lack of Spirituality and the Incorporation of the Bible

Reality Therapy/Choice Theory’s greatest weakness is not including spirituality in its theory and therapy. Relying solely on a solution-based cognitive philosophy, Glasser dismissed spirituality as a need for humankind. In fact, action is stressed so heavily in Glasser’s world, spirituality and emotions are often put on a shelf, hoping never having to discuss them. Leaving out spirituality is a flaw that was thankfully addressed by Elijah Mickel when including it in African-Centered Reality Therapy. Nonetheless, spirituality is still not part of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory to this day. Until spirituality is included, Glasser’s therapy and theory will never be able to reach fully those who are seeking help (Mickel, 2013).

The Importance of the Past

Another weakness in Reality Therapy/Choice Theory is not fully recognizing the importance of focusing on the past. Yes, dwelling on the past is never beneficial, but, addressing the past is needed to seek real healing. When a therapist does not allow their client to spend quality time revisiting their past, the root problem(s) they are facing, may never be revealed. Reality Therapists are correct in stating the only way their client can change their life is through action. However, the past must be fully addressed to move forward. If the past is not adequately addressed, pain in the future will occur because of unresolved conflicts that were never settled. Once the past is treated correctly, the client can move forward, leaving the past behind them (Mickel, 2013).

Multicultural Delinquency

          Another weakness of Reality Therapy/Choice Theory is the lack of multicultural outreach. It has not had the anticipated success in major cultures throughout the world even though Glasser’s book on Reality Therapy has been translated into several languages. Reality Therapy/Choice Theory has failed to set up a system that can reach the major cultures around the world. Until it does, this system will continue to be limited in scope and practice.

God, however, is not limited to any culture or people. All nations and people are the desire of God’s heart. That is why Jesus came to die for the whole world. In the eyes of God the Father, all who give their lives to Jesus are one nation filled with diverse people whose eternal home is Heaven. Jesus challenged Believers to not be bound by their culture as they reach out to the world with God’s eternal, multicultural message of salvation. To accomplish this, Christians must be willing to understand and respect the culture and the people God has called them to reach (Wubbolding, & Brickell, 2012; Matthew 28:18-20; John 3:16; Acts 17:27; Galatians 3:28; 1 Timothy 2:1-15;).

Conclusion

Reality Therapy/Choice Theory’s solution-based cognitive philosophy lacks the ability to lead their clients to complete healing. Without God, their client will never live a life filled with security, love, inner peace, freedom, joy, forgiveness, and the ability to forgive and forget the past. With God, hope and encouragement replace regret and depression, despair and confusion for all who seek the Wonderful Counselor. For those who seek God, they are promised, not only will they know their Creator, but the God of the Universe will never leave nor forsake them. Biblical Counselors must use God’s wisdom as they address the lack of biblical principles in all humanistic therapies and theories. Christians should never settle for the wisdom of this world. Instead, they need to seek God’s wisdom and lead others to do the same. When seeking God’s wisdom, the Holy Spirit will guide and direct the therapist and their client, revealing the changes necessary to live a healthy fulfilled life. It is time for Christians to begin the process of formulating a biblical philosophy that will help the therapist reach the whole person. If the therapist does not take their client to the Throne of God, there will never be true healing (Deuteronomy 31:6; 2 Chronicles 7:14; Psalm 13:5; Isaiah 9:6; John 14:27).

References

Barnette, T. (2009). Christ Centered Reality Therapy. Maitland, FL: Xulon Press.

Graham, M., Sauerheber, J., & Britzman, M. (2012). Choice Theory and family counseling: A pragmatic, culturally sensitive approach. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 21(2), 230-234. doi:10.1177/1066480712466538

Hong, Y., & Jacinto, G. (2012). Reality Therapy and the labyrinth: A strategy for practice. Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 22, 619-634. doi:10.1080/10911359.2012.655561

Jahromi, M., & Mosallanejad, L. (2014). The impact of Reality Therapy on metacognition, stress and hope in addicts. Global Journal of Health Science, 6(6), 281-287. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v6n6p281

Mickel, E, (2013). African-American Reality Therapy parenting: an alternative paradigm. Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 23, 278-286. doi:10.1080/10911359.2012.747347

Robey, P. (2011). Reality Therapy and Choice Theory: An interview with Robert Wubbolding. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 19(2), 231-237. doi:10.1177/1066480710397129

Robey, P., Burdenski, T., Britzman, M., Crowell, J., Cisse, G. (2011). Systematic applications of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy: An interview with Glasser scholars. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 19(4), 427-433. doi:10.1177/1066480711415038

Wubbolding, R. & Brickell, J. (2012). Resources for teaching and learning Choice Theory and Reality Therapy, part II. International Journal of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy: An On-Line Journal, XXXI(2), 27-30. Retrieved from http://www.ctrtjournal.com/file.php/1/AllJournals/IJCTRT%20XXXI%20no2.pdf.