Teachings from Quest for God's Own Heart Ministry

Spiritual Growth in the Midst of Spiritual Darkness

This study was berthed out of frustration. I was frustrated with my walk with my God. I have been a Christian for over thirty-one years now, and until I sat down and took off my blinders and allowed the Holy Spirit to open up my heart to who God really is and what He desires from me, I felt like I was never going to be happy with my walk with Him. God changed my heart and I have been on a quest for His own heart ever since.

As I searched God’s Word, I was reminded of how much He truly loves me. When I look at what God has done for me, I cannot express how blown away I am. God loved me so much that He was willing to send his Son to die for my sins.

As a father, I cannot fathom giving up one of my children to die for someone. How about you? Would you give up one of your children to die for someone? Would you walk up to one of your kids and say, “Hey, you see the people over there? I want you to die for them so they can live with us for eternity.” Well, would you? I know I wouldn’t do that. There is no way in the world I would give up one of my seven children to die for someone.

But that is exactly what God did for us. He sent His one and only Son to die for us, even though we were so unworthy of not only His sacrifice, but His love as well. We did not deserve what the Father did for us.

I know that I have throughout my life shown how unworthy I am of His love, yet when I was deep in my sins, He said to Jesus, “Son die for him.”

I am so humbled when I think about the love the Father has shown me by sending Jesus to die for me and yet too often in my life I continue to live for my own pleasures. How can I continue to live for myself and reject the One who gave His life for me?

Jesus died for me, yet there are times that I look back at my week and cannot remember spending quality time with my Savior. I have taken Him for granted. Too often I have put Jesus on a shelf just to take Him down and dust Him off when I need something. When I come back to Him, He shows His loving grace and never rejects me. Instead, He welcomes me with open arms.

That reminds me of the story of the Prodigal Son Jesus told His disciples. The prodigal son took advantage of his father’s love and generosity and took his inheritance and ran off to a country far away. The prodigal lived his life for himself, rejecting the love of his father.

After living his life in pure rebellion of whom his father was and the love his father had for him, the prodigal hit rock bottom. He had spent everything he had and found himself homeless and without hope. In desperation, he went back home thinking it would be better to be a servant in his father’s home than to continue living without the love and security of his father.

I am sure he was very anxious as he got closer to his father’s house. What will my father do? Will he reject me? Will he curse me and turn his back on me? Hopefully, he will at least allow me to be one of his servants. I am so scared. Where will I go if he rejects me?

From a distance, he could see his father’s house. He stopped to collect himself. He strained his eyes as he thought he saw someone opening the door to the house and running toward him. Who is that? That looks like my Dad. Why is he running?

His heart pounded. It felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. The prodigal did not know what to expect. He stood frozen in place not knowing whether his father was coming to reject him or accept him. But as his father got closer, he realized that his father was running with his arms opened wide with tears running down.

In relief and exhaustion the prodigal fell to his knees. His father fell to his knees as well as he embraced his long lost son. As he picked up his son, they both wept and embraced each other. His father lifted his son’s face and wiped the tears from his eyes, and as his father continued to weep he said, “Son, I love you. I will always love you. My son, you have come home. You have finally come home.”

That is exactly what the Father does when we turn away from our sinful lives and return to Him. No matter how far we run, it only takes one step for the Father to come to you, for He is always with you even when you run far away from His love. God is always with you. Our Father meets us on the road with His arms open wide. He tells us, “I love you. I will always love you. You have come home. You have finally come home.”

No matter how many times I may stumble in my life, God will pick me up out of my sinfulness and brush off everything that keeps me from living my life for Him. He will never reject me because I am His child.

I want to live my life completely for God. I want to stop living my life chasing after my own desires. I am exhausted. I have tried for thirty-one years to please Him. I have done many things for Him, but too often I have done them on my own abilities thinking He would be pleased. I have become a complete failure trying to please Him, but God is awesome. He never stops loving me. He is always at my side.

I want to be a man after God’s own heart. I want to learn what it means to abide in Jesus Christ every day, not just when I need something. I want to know what it means to grow closer to Him even in times of spiritual darkness. Join me as I go on a quest for Spiritual Growth in the midst of Spiritual Darkness.

Trust in God’s faithfulness, for His promises, are always true.